The Better Half

My better half sketched something interesting four years back. The man on the couch with newspaper — that’s him, my husband. And no prices for guessing who is the nagging lady standing at the back — yours truly. He titled it — The Daily Saga and asked for my feedback. Now, he’s no cartoonist but he’s very good in finding creative ways to tease me.

“Wow! Just replace the newspaper with a laptop or a book and this would be a perfect illustration of our life’s story.” I told him.

I think this is a good point in this post to bring the backstory of how we met. It was almost seven years back — a time when I was fed up of the matrimony search and on the brink of giving up. A renowned matrimony site, where my parents were extremely active made our paths cross. To some extent, even my parents had given up on me by this time. According to them I had mastered the art of disappointing them when it came to such meetings. I, on the other hand, had stopped feeling guilty about it.

Things happen when you least expect them. There’s some truth to that saying. When I went for this meeting, I wasn’t feeling burdened because for me it was just another formality with a dead end. Honestly, part of the reason I showed up was to keep my parents satisfied (and off my back).

Like every time, after the meeting my folks bombarded me with endless questions. However, all I could tell them is that I enjoyed talking to this guy and he seemed to have a good sense of humour. That vague reply disheartened them again because they were expecting a certain answer — a Yes or No.

Things went cold after the first meet. So when the proposal reopened after sometime, I was surprised when I found myself saying Yes. One meeting and 3 phone calls later, I was still unsure about everything except one — the one I met could be a great friend to anybody. He was the simplistic one I had met in a long time.

It’s been six years and counting. In these years I discovered that we are extreme opposites. He is cool, calm, composed, planned, soft, prudent, and cautious. I am restless, loud, adventurous, risk taker, traveller, and explorer. His best company and his first love are his books, while in my long list of things books come last. His way of life is dominated by the idea of being simplistic and minimalistic. Mine ideal life is to explore its vibrancy and colours.

I tease him that he is boring and he says my energy it overflowing. It’s alien to him — planning surprises or buying gifts. Whereas I often fail at any intellectual discussion with him. He doesn’t buy a new piece of clothing till he discards an old one and I have never felt that buying clothes needs a reason. His best buys are his books and my best buys are endless.

The only thing we have in common is the ability to laugh at ourselves. We are extremely good at making fun of ourselves. His sense of humor is contagious and that has certainly rubbed off on me.

After spending all these years together we have realized that we function best when we are in the Friends mode. I assume we are more of friends than husband and wife. Getting into the so called dynamics of wedded couples messes things up. Otherwise we are able to discuss everything under the sun. Often we tend to find ourselves under situations wherein we have to let go of our ideologies for each other. It’s very tough to do that but we manage since we happen to be friends before being husband and wife. So that chilled out attitude brings back the equilibrium if it ever gets disturbed. That way, the disappointment is short lived.

We are the most imperfect ones but so far we have managed to strike the balance and learned to have fun in the middle of all the chaos that life throws at us.

Like all my previous posts, I can’t help dispense some gyan so here are few things I have learnt —

1. Getting married is a big decision. It should never be at the mercy of a timeline. When you come across someone with whom you feel you can be friends with, you can be at your best, then only make that decision.

2. Someone said, “friends are God’s way of apologising for the relatives he gave you.” In an attempt to make any relationship work, try to bring the friendship angle to it. Try to be friends with your kids, your spouse, your parents and anyone important in your inner circle. This will change the perspective.

3. Social pressures should be the last thing to worry about. Whether it is for getting married or having kids. One needs to be headstrong and rebel while answering the pointing fingers back

4. Do not search for perfection in everything. Imperfection has its own beauty.

Hope this stands to be a good read.

Shruti !